On a recent summer day in Washington, D.C., TED Radio Hour producer Fio Geiran walked the National Mall and asked teenagers from around the country what's stressing them out.
The answers came fast: too much homework and not enough sleep; climate change and rising seas; worries about bills, rent and insurance; whether a social media post got enough likes. The list was sprawling and familiar: school, money, the planet and fitting in online and off.
But when Geiran asked how they cope, the responses shifted. One teen talked about biking with his dad and going fishing. Another discovered a love for coding during class. Others said they'd started to limit their time on social media, or were excited to see what the future might hold after graduation. The stress is real—but so is the resilience. That duality feels like the truth of adolescence today.
Teen Expert Lisa Damour's Take
Lisa Damour has been listening to teenagers for nearly 30 years. She's a psychologist, bestselling author, and one of the most respected voices on adolescent mental health.
NPR's Manoush Zomorodi spoke to Damour about what has changed for teens in the last decade. And her list was sobering: algorithm-driven social media that can hijack attention and distort self-image; a global pandemic that amplified anxiety and isolation; sky-high achievement pressure; and new norms around gender, bodies and identity that require adults to update the way we talk to kids.
But despite all these pressures, Damour says teenagers are as curious, smart and resilient as ever.
"Today's teenagers are so much more aware of the world around them, what's happening politically, what's happening socially," Damour says. "They are ready to push back, they make great arguments."
She also says that "teenagers live up to expectations—and down to them." So, if you describe kids as fragile, lazy or hopelessly tethered to their phones, they'll absorb that. But, if you frame them as thoughtful, aware and capable of grappling with real issues, they'll rise to it.
Damour also says the best way to help support teens through the most difficult challenges of adolescence is to talk to them with respect and genuine interest. Here are some of her tips on how to talk to teens about difficult topics.
How to talk about social media
In the last decade, social media algorithms have become more sophisticated. Damour worries these algorithms can cause teens to lose track of time and pull away from essentials like sleep or in person time with friends and family.
But instead of banning social media, Damour says to talk with teens about setting boundaries that keep them safe and healthy — like no social media before bed or age-based restrictions on certain types of content.
And she says not to be hostile about some mindless distraction.
"Kids do not need to have every moment be a productive one," she says. "They actually are working way harder in school than we ever did. And they have every right to—and actually need—some mindless entertainment."
She says it's fine to take 15 minutes to scroll, and suggests asking kids whether the time they're spending online still allows them to do what they need to, or if they're spending more time scrolling than they intended.
How to talk about mental health
Today, more teens are willing to talk about their psychological and emotional well-being, and attend therapy. But they are also bombarded with online content that uses diagnostic terminology—like 'ADHD,' 'trauma' and 'neurodivergence'—loosely.
Damour says adults should be 'curious' when their children begin to diagnose themselves or look for terms that fit their experiences. She suggests showing interest in a teens' feelings while guiding them to understand the difference between worrying mental health issues and normal emotions.
"Too many people of all ages are working with the assumption that being mentally healthy means feeling good and not feeling good means that you're not mentally healthy. That's not true," Damour says.
Having uncomfortable feelings, Damour explains, is a natural reaction to tough situations. Say a teen is going through a breakup: They should feel sad and hurt. The goal is learning to cope–not avoid–difficult emotions.
"My work all the time is trying to help kids and their families actually be more accepting of distress. They're going to have bad days," says Damour. "We want them to get to [being] fine by doing something that's healthy or at least, you know, harmless."
How to talk about big existential fears, like climate anxiety
These days, Damour often hears from teens about their fears about climate change.
They ask questions like, "Why should I care? The planet is on fire anyway."
"Teenagers have always had existential questions, but now they are asking one that actually is pretty well attached to very real existential questions that a lot of people have," Damour says.
Rather than avoid those fears or call them hyperbole, adults should empower teens to make life choices that give them some control or make a small difference.
"What I say to my kids is, 'look, we don't know what's ahead, but we know whatever comes, you're going to suffer far less than many other people. And your job is to reduce suffering," says Damour. "Organize yourself around taking care of others and that's gonna hold you in good stead."
This is part 2 of our series, "Are the kids alright?" You can listen to part 1 here.
This segment of the TED Radio Hour was produced by Harsha Nahata and Fio Geiran. It was edited by Sanaz Meshkinpour, Rachel Faulkner White and Manoush Zomorodi.
The digital story was written by Harsha Nahata.
You can follow us on Facebook @TEDRadioHour and email us at TEDRadioHour@npr.org.
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